But when I think of you all the time I cry
by MishaV946
Summary: When Alec thinks of a particular someone all the time, he cries. Can this girl in his life help him from his loss? Based on a song: In the meantime.
1. Chapter 1: But when I think of you

But when I think of you all the time... I Cry

Author: MishaV946

Rating: 13...Just to be safe.

Summary: Pretty self explanatory with regards to the title and story content. This is an M/A Fanfic series, with the mention of the main characters from Dark Angel.

Spoilers: Give or take 1 and half years after FN.

Disclaimer: Yes I own Dark Angel. Yes I own all the characters (especially Alec McDowell), motion pictures and photography along with the production set named: "IN MY BIG FAT DREAMS!" ^_o

Feedback: This is my first fan fic that I'm FINALLY POSTING up. My Hard-drive keeps retaliating against my new and 100th story that I keep adding to it…so bottoms up-here's the first one. I aint going to hold your hand and coax you to review; I leave that decision to you. I just want to get this out of my head and hard-drive. If you do decide to review, you can go easy-not go easy-whatever. However; Constructive criticism feeds my enthusiasm.

Status: WIP

A/N 3: This a series based on selective songs that personally mean something to me. If you are not familiar with some of them, I have typed the artist names along with the title-so you can web them. Hope you enjoy reading this series as much as I've enjoyed writing them. Laters

Title: But when I think of you all the time, I cry… (Watershed_ In the meantime)

She was a beautiful girl, no doubt about it. Long glossy hair, dark eyes, fairest of porcelain skin and a body that would make any straight or gay guy fall to his knees. He had noticed that from the first day he had met her. It has been almost two years that they have known one another. She turns around and throws a knowing smirk at him-he'd been staring at her, again. And if he knows himself, he smirks back apologetically. He watches how she pulls her jacket over her shoulder with ease and tips the bar tender just before she makes her way over to him. A huge grin on her beautiful face makes him want to weep. And without warning he grabs hold of her right arm and pulls her onto him, crushing his lips onto hers. He kisses her hard and frowns mentally at the thought that just occurred to him. She pulls away from his warm body noticing how rigid he went all of a sudden.

"Alec?" she sounds her concern.

"Yeah?" he smiles.

"Idiot" she swats his right shoulder lightly and laughs.

Her laugh sends a vibration through him. The chill runs down his spine and he feels like he can no longer stand.

"Let's get out of here." He suggests to her.

Without a word she grabs his hand and exits Crash. They were so oblivious to everything else around them that they fail to see the sad look on the bar tender's face or the sigh that escapes from OC's lips as they leave.

They ran to the beach front, removing their shoes in their path. She gurgles with laughter that makes him halt in his tracks. He watches her in a new perspective. Her hair ripples through the wind with a touch of a luminous silver glow-compliments to the rather bright full moon. This should be perfect but his thoughts don't coincide. He knows that she tries to make him feel better each time. And he does, he keeps Telling her that he's alright, always alright. She stops swaying in the moonlight rather sways her hips provocatively towards him, laces her fingers into his. She looks into his hazel green eyes and kisses him fully. Their first true kiss, he mentally takes note. It's always just been the lips nothing more and he wishes it stayed that way…just the lips. Too late he mentally berates himself.

They walk to her apartment. Standing outside her door she stalls, fumbling with her keys. She turns to him and smiles sweetly.

"Goodnight Alec"

He says nothing instead, he grabs her by her arms and kisses her fully… he knows where this is leading and his heart urges him to stop, but his head doesn't listen. So he gives her what she's wants and two hours later he wakes up in her bed. He looks at her; she looks so peaceful and still beautiful. The tension that she carries with her no longer evident on her forehead, it makes him want to cry even more. But her sweet scent causes his tear to fall, she smells like... He leaves without waking her up. He doesn't give her a second glance;the guilt is just too overwhelming.

He walks from street to street and knows no one will disturb him. Its 2:30am and he knows Crash would still be open. He heads there immediately.

Without a word he sits himself onto the bar stool.

The bar tender sighs deeply and hands him Scotch. Knowing that that's all Alec would order, it's all he's ordered for the past two years since her…

"Thanks Sid." Alec stops the bar tender's thoughts.

"No prob Alec." Sid carefully eyed the man in front of him, "so seriously Alec, what are you doing?"

A defensive glare shot Sid's way.

Stern look with a cocked eyebrow stating his ground was made that NO fear would turn him away.

Alec knew there was no getting away from this one, especially this one. He swirled the glass of Scotch in his right hand, biting on his lower lip while in deep thought.

"Alec!" the angry voice called out to him.

Sighing inwardly in defeat, he turned to the owner's voice.

"OC...How do I owe the pleasure..."

"Save it hot boy. I saw what you did. What the hell are you doing? Go back to her."

"I can't." He simply replied, exasperated.

"She loves you. You love her..."

"I thought I did." He mumbled quietly enough for OC's hearing range.

OC's look sent a shiver down his spine, and knew there was definitely a slap coming. But was surprise that none came.

"She is a friend of mine, a good friend and you're hurting her. I know you're hurting Alec but you got to move on. We all have lost someone we loved but we have to move on. Or else it will eat us."

Alec turned away from both Sid and OC, taking his glass he walked towards the back of Crash were they use to sit together. He hasn't sat there in two years.

Leaning back he thought of the recent events. He and the girl in his life shared some things in common, but it wasn't enough. Not for him anyway. There were no moments of madness or that spark that he wishes he could once again see...when he spends time with her he doesn't feel alone but his heart always is...his thoughts are never on her but of the one he lost...her death was unfair and unjust and the thought alone makes him tear...

Because, When Alec thinks of Max all the time, he cries...

The lean figure sat on the table and watched the man that was indeed adored at, cook a meal. And smirked as the man tossed the vegetables in the frying pan with a bit of a style followed by a roaring laughter as he miss calculated and spilled some vegetables on the floor.

"Crap"eyeing the culprit vegetables on the floor.

Laughing harder as he cussed, she hopped of the table and approached him, "don't worry I'll clean it up."

As she strolled towards him again, a flashback of a pair of green hazel laughing eyes appeared before her. Causing her to stop, the man notices this and approaches her carefully.

"Sweetheart?" he asks nervously.

"..." she whispers inaudibly.

"Huh?" the man looks at her in confusion and does the only thing that he could think of; he kisses her hard on the lips.

"Brian? What do you think you are doing?" she laughed out.

"Just kissing you..." he replies making a mental note to tell _him_ that it has happened yet again, "I love you."

"Of cause you do..." she smirked walking away from him, "who else do you think will clean up after you if they didn't?" She threw him a smirk before leaving the kitchen area.

'She has never once said I Love you back to me. Does this mean...' Brain knew deep down what it meant, he just didn't want to believe it was true. It was time to _tell the truth_ and it was going to take some serious convincing on all parties involved.

'Crap why does this happening to me? Who is this guy in any case? And why do always feel like I should know him better than I do? Why do I always cry when I think of him?

Why do I cry every time I think of Alec?'

The end...


	2. Chapter 2: And the Reason is you

A/N: Is it really that relevant? We all know who DA production belongs to! And its characters along with that hot bod-Alec McDowell… *sigh*hence the reason for my very own production "In My Big Fat Dreams"! :O

A/N: Can someone please explain to me as to why my updated stories have no break lines or spaces in their respective places as done on word perfect? *IS FURIOUS* It's like reading one big Word modge podge! *cries* Help someone-anyone….

Warning: a bit of character bashing. *evil smirk*

Chapter 2: And the reason is you….. (Hoobastank_ The reason)

Sequel to _but when I think of you I cry_…

Two years ago…

"HURRY!" fear evident in the males' voice as they blurred towards the end of the dark and narrow passage.

Running up the staircase Alec and Max knew that this was it; this was either survival or death. They had been sent on an Eyes Only Mission; only thing is _Eyes_ didn't see the unmarked room filled with Familiars. All they had to do was retrieve the data that the government obtained knowledge with regards to the exploitation of young refugees. Eyes Only did his research- Piece of cake, yeah right! Familiars-a whole clan of them, they weren't encountering the Senator as one of the Familiars. They had an inkling that they ran deep within the government but how deep-they've only just realized.

Alec noticed an abandoned room, grabbed Max by her left arm and scurried within the 6 walled room. He instantly locked the metal door and did a quick recon of their surroundings. Old dusty boxes laid haphazardly everywhere, cob webs decorated the cornices and the musty scent extenuated the staleness of the enclosed space.

"Max we're trapped. We need to call for back up." Alec blurted out nervously.

"Stating the obvious aren't we Alec?" stated an agitated Max.

Alec stood by the door and leaned into it to get a closer hearing range of their assailants. Max carefully opened her back bag and placed 6 C-4 detonators on each of the six walls.

'This is the last time I am going to put me and Alec in a sticky situation just because Logan wants to be a damn hero!'

"Countdown Max, they're gaining on us…" Alec said nervously.

He looked at Max and realized that she was just as petrified as he was-especially when it came to the psychotic goons. Max was standing by the window pane watching the traffic flow at the bottom of the tenth floor calculating their escape. He approached her and looked down the same window; both attentions were snapped back to the door when they heard the Familiars picking on the lock. Stealing quick glances at one another, Alec did the only thing he had wanted to do for a long time; he grabbed Max by her arm, spun her around so that she faced him completely and kissed her fully on her lips before she could retaliate.

"I'm sorry but I've been wanting to that for a long time just in case we don't make it out alive…I just want you to know…" he rambled as he scanned her rather stoic expression.

"Alec save it," she watched the fear in his eyes turn into disappointment, "at least for later, ok." She finished off with a smile.

"Yeah I can do that." He chuckled, eyes twinkling in satisfaction.

"Time to blow up this place…"

Max barely got her sentence out when an echo of a gunshots were sounded through the empty room. Without a second thought both transgenics leapt through the 6mm glass and immediately pressed the donator remote. The feeling of something wet got to her attention. An affirmative glance confirmed her worse nightmare. Alec was shot in his chest-a through and through.

"Alec?" she looked at his already pale face…

'OH MY GOD please no no no…please don't let him die.'

"Max get out of here." He choked on his blood, splattering some on the pavement. Using her own strength Max helped Alec to stay on his feet and as quickly as she could, hurried towards her bike.

"Shut up, I'm getting you out of here. Save your strength."

"Max that's what he wants-he got me to get to you." Alec stared to lose consciousness, "Max promise to me that you will find happiness." Spurtingout blood as he tried to hang on his last bit of consciousness.

'What?' Max faulted in her steps.

"Alec… I …" she stammered.

"Please Max." he rasped arguing.

Max knew what she had to do-she had to speak from her heart…

'Now or never Max.'

"Alec I can never be happy if you're not in my life…so don't you dare die on me, you hear."

Alec barely managed to lift his head up to look at her but he had and even added a soft smile.

'My Maxie likes me.'

"If didn't say any better I think you're falling for me…I think I'm about to…"

Alec fell from Max's grip but grabbed him in time before his head hit the pavement. Through her tears, grunts, anguish and anger, Max reached her bike and gunned the engine with Alec straddled in front of her. Revving through the streets of central Seattle, Max smashed through each sector gate barely dodging the flying bullets that flew past her as her only main concern was getting Alec to TC ASAP.

Knowing that skiing over the perimeter fencing wouldn't do, Max skied through TC's main perimeter gate. Once she was safely within TC's park aid Max yelled for assistance.

"I need a medic team ASAP, Alec's been shot." Holstering him up in her arms, Max dragged his limp body to the Med bay.

Without a second command, TC medics were on Alec, assessing the wound carefully. A hitched gasp left their mouths with a married frown on their foreheads.

"Max, it's not good. His lung collapsed, heart stopped once but we managed to revive it again. And he's lost too much blood, we gonna need more." Miley informed their leader, getting straight to the point. Miley was TC's only X4 to be trained as a surgeon.

Max couldn't think, her mind refused to process this information; then too, Miley continued to give her an update but Max couldn't hear a thing…she felt numb. Without another word, she had rolled up her sleeves and walked straight into the med room.

"Take my blood." She ordered the staff.

With a wary and uncertain expression the assisting nurse cleaned the inside of Max's elbow and injected the needle into her vein. Max didn't flinch as she pierced the needle through her flesh but flinched when she finally saw his face-pale as a ghost. The nurse pulled up a chair next Alec's bed for their leader. They had just managed to stabilize him, but it was touch and go. She took his right hand into hers and sobbed.

"I'll kick your ass if you die on me…"

'Please don't die on me, Alec-OH GOD please…I need him… I want him please…. I … I …. I love him.'

"Alec…" her voice strained as she swallowed another lump of tears that formed in her throat, "Just please don't die on me…I can't lose you too… if I lose you- I swear I'll never be happy…I WILL BREAK THAT PROMISE-I WILL LIVE A MISERABLE LONELY LIFE SO DON'T YOU DARE DIE ON ME-IF YOU WANT ME TO BE HAPPY YOU BETTER SURVIVE THIS…" Max yelled at his still expression.

Breathing heavily, her pained heart thudded violently against her rib cage, shutting her eyes tightly, her body shook violently as she sobbed on his hand…

'ALEC!'

Throwing the yellow file on his desk in sheer agitation and frustration, but the resentment that rolled off her caused him to swallow his fears.

"I am done being your little genetically engineered cat burglar Logan."

Max leaned down and slammed the palm of her hands on the glass table enough to crack it but not shatter it. Logan almost yelled at her dangerous proximity. He could literally see the gradient of her irises.

"Max…"

"SHUT UP!" she yelled and stood up straight, towering her lean body over him, "I'm talking you listen. You have put me in more danger than Manticore ever did. I almost died several times, almost got shot at several times. In fact I have been shot at several times. I almost got my ass handed to the bad guys and what do I get for a thank you? JUST ANOTHER MISSION TO SAVE THE FREAKIN' WORLD…I'm DONE-WE'RE DONE!" she needed to leave before she would make the mistake of punching him square in the face.

As she was about to leave, Logan found the courage to stand up and hurried towards her before she reached the door.

"Max please, just cut me some slack. I never meant to hurt you."

Doing a complete 180 spin, Max glowered at Logan. The pure hate in her eyes was something that would haunt him in his sleep for the rest of his life.

"Cut you some slack? You never meant to hurt me? ARE YOU KIDDING ME? Logan you have done nothing in these past few months since the Jam Pony siege but hurt me. Running the transgenics down like they are less than you are…"

"They're animals!"

A gasp escaped her lips, "What?"

"They're animals"

"You disgust me Logan. We have done nothing but help you and what did you do after everything that we had been through? You USED us for your own personal hero complex and got some of mine injured and even killed for it. Who's the animal now?" Her voice hitched at the last part, "people like Alec who never asked anything from you, you got him in sticky situations and got him shot at…and the best part, it's been weeks since the incident and not once you would broach the fact that you screwed up and got him shot!" she glared at him, waiting for a response but when non came she shook her head and clenched her fingers and relaxed it. Repeating the action several times to control her urge of beating him into a pulp, "We use to be friends, Alec use to be your friend too. Yes I know you felt threatened by him for some reason…"

"He stole you from me."

"He never did and he would never do that to you or to anyone. I WAS the ONE who lied to you about the relationship I had with Alec, but I did it for a reason. You WERE my priority Logan. I cared enough to let you go and be happy. But you stalked me. You STALKED me Logan. Apart from that being down right creepy, you just added a reason for me to mistrust you. I get that your Eyes Only missions are important but so are our lives. You got 4 X-5s killed. And I tried in all my power to make sure that the transgenic nation wouldn't tear you apart but after Alec…"

"Alec again."

"How dare you!" that wasn't a question but a harsh statement, "Alec, saved your life as much as he saved mine and if I remember correctly you save his life too. What happened to you Logan? When did you become this egotistical, cold hearted hero wannabe?"

"That's not fair. I've been in the Eyes Only business well before you came into my life. You can't pin that onto me."

"Fine, but what about what happened after the Jam Pony siege?" swallowing a huge lump that formed in her throat she continued without allowing him to continue, "you stood by us Logan, you watched TC become something more, you saw the life that grew from nothing to something. You were part of that hope, Logan, so what happened to you? Saving the transgenics were not enough that you had to exploit them too? It was dangerous enough that I went on these missions alone and then I got Alec involved too. And as much as you rebel against him, he watches my back as much as I do. He saved my life plenty of times," a tear slipped down her reddened warm cheek, "What happened to you Logan?"

"You once looked at me with pride and the dignity of having me in your company but then when you moved to TC, you changed. You hardly came over, you spent more time with Alec," leaving the bitter tone in his tone, "and the more I saw him with you the more it made me sick and the more I wanted to show you that we belong together. Yes I let you go once but after I held your hand at the flag raising that night, I couldn't do it again. I couldn't let go of you again. So I did what I had to do."

"What?" she asked utter disbelief. The audacity, the tenacity, the bullshit that rolled of his tongue, "so let me get this straight you put us in harm's way so that I would see you as the night in shinning amour?"

"You make it sound harsh Max…"

"OH MY GOD Logan…are you?...are you insane?" hands flying in the air as she blinked heavenwards.

"Max, I never wanted to hurt anyone, sure the bad guys but not the transgenics. Even though they are animals they are useful…"

"If you know what's good for you, DO NOT complete that sentence…as a matter of fact, this is for Alec." Rotating her body into a complete 360 degree, Max swung her leg high enough to kick Logan in the jaw. Pieces of his teeth splattered about on the white Persian carpet and down went the unconscious Logan.

"Hmpf, that's for all transgenics but mostly for Alec you bustard!"

"Mole, get your ASS HERE!"

The whole of HQ stood still, when their leader stormed in the bustling vicinity and slammed her door shut. Something had happened and some knew the reasons why. The ordinary.

"I don't take that tone too well…"

"That's just great because I need you to wipe Logan's computer clean of all transgenics information including all his allies…think you can handle that?" she ended her question off with a cunning smile.

Mole was so stumped that his cigar lifelessly dropped from his mouth.

"Come again?"

Max would have laughed if it hadn't been a serious situation.

"I need you to wipe Logan's files clean of all transgenics and allies."

"I thought you said that. What happened?" he didn't care if he got a glare. He craved for some inside info.

"He wants to be a super hero at our expense; I'm done putting our people in danger. And he needs to know that." She cocked her head to the side to make a point that enough was enough.

Mole gave a curt nod and as he reached the door frame he turned around, looked at his leader square in the face and raised his gun over his shoulder.

"About damn time I get the exclusive action first hand."

Max just smiled and shook her head, "Just scare not kill. Listen when you get back I need intel on White's men and those goons. I need to know what's happening. They're gone too quiet for my liking. I got to go. Play nice when you run the place down."

Giving Max nod with a pursed line, he looked at her composure "going home?" Mole had been keeping an eye on her since that last Eye's Only missions went array.

"Yeah." She offered a sad smile.

"You know it wasn't your fault. I mean sure you agreed to do the Eyes Only mission but Alec wanted to accompany you too."

Max stared at Mole for a second not quite believing her ears. He always rubbed it in her face about Logan's dangerous missions and her reckless need to help him out, so what was so different about today? Perhaps it was the fact that he had seen the way she looked after Alec got shot. And that it changed her life.

"Thanks Mole," shifting awkwardly on her feet, Max wrapped her arms around her body, "If I didn't know any better I'd say you got a soft spot for me in that heart of yours Mole." She smiled.

"HA! As if!" he retaliated with no evidence of acidity in his tone, "You aiight Max."

"OH My WORD! Does this make us friends? Feigning a skeptical look.

"A tiny bit."

"I'm moved Mole, really moved"

He snorted and left Max's office. He had an important mission that he had been craving for. Bringing down Eyes Only was better than Manticore's missions.

"YO, who wants to bring the almighty down?" Mole announced.

Max walked down the almost deserted street. It has been four hours since she saw Logan. Four hours since she learnt a lot about Logan's idea of being a savior. And it sickened her. Hugging her arms around her abdomen, Max stilled in her path. She looked above her line of vision and saw her apartment light switched on. A sad smile displayed on her beautiful tired face, she needed some time to think things through before she crashed but she couldn't do it alone.

Walking into the apartment she had noticed a bottle of beer resting on the coffee table. Shaking her head slightly she discarded her leather jacket on the back rest of the couch and walked straight into her bedroom. Kicking off her shoes and removing her long tank top, Max fell straight onto her bed with a slight bounce. Sighing loudly her mind began to reel in the recent events of her life…she didn't get far enough when a masculine voice caught her attention.

"Max that you?"

"Yip."

"So how did it go?" the male transgenic stood between the threshold drying his hair with the towel.

Max couldn't answer, her throat closed to tight for words to flow out. Her voice hitched in uncontrollable sobs.

"Oh honey," he said sadly. Feeling the wave of emotions roll off from her. So he did the only think that he had been doing for the past few weeks since that incident, he laid down beside her. Wrapping his strong arms around her, she wrapped her arms around him and sobbed.

"Oh Alec…"

"It's Ok Maxie…let it out."

"I killed him…"

"Max?" not quite sure that he heard her correctly.

'No she didn't. She wouldn't do that, would she?'

"I almost killed Logan. I almost killed Logan, Alec. I wanted to but I couldn't that to you."

Alec gently guided Max to face him, "Max I would never ask you to do anything that you wouldn't do. Personally I would torture him, put the fear of Manticore in him, but hey I could still do that if you want me to?" trying to lighten up her mood a little.

"I was so angry at him that I want to hurt him, to kill him, but I couldn't. So I kicked Logan square in the jaw, besides I already got Mole on it."Her face lit up a bit.

"Really? Bet he's loving that right now." He smirked.

"Yeah, so much as calling me a friend-almost a friend."Eyes bulging a bit in disbelief.

"Nooo…for real?" sarcastically sounding astounded.

"As real as this can be." Max replied with a smile and leaned forward to plant a sweet kiss on Alec's lips.

"I love you Maxie."

"I love you too, Alec."

The end…


	3. Chapter3: Here without you baby

A/N: Sequel to: And the reason is you…

**Warning:** I'm rating this 18, Graphic violence and coarse language.

8888888888888888888

Chapter 3: Here Without you baby_ (3 Doors down)

One year ago

"Talk to me people!"

"Male, early 20's, took a gunshot wound on the right temple. He went into cardiac arrest twice but we managed to stabilize him for now."

"Who found him?"

"This young man followed him on the space needle."

"Thank you. What's your name kid?"

"Dalton, sir. Is Alec going to be okay?"

"I'll make sure that he will be. You have my word."

8888888888888888

P.V.O

I am God's gift to woman…but only one truly captured my heart…

She looked beyond my exterior, beyond the hot sexy body that I would claim to have-well just to annoy her. She saw something that no one else could behind my perfect mask. She saw the loss, hurt, pain, anger, rage, friendship, faith, love, lust, claim…

Things got better when she saved me from the darkness I had crept into. We became one, best friends, lovers. I claimed her as my mate as did she. I was hers and only hers, as I was to her…

I was a person.

Everything was going the way we wanted it to be. I started to live again. We even asked Joshua to prepare a crib for us. And as ever Joshua was more than thrilled to do so, in fact he got Mole involved in the project too- much to our amazement he was just as excited and involved as ever. Talk about knowing someone!

So everything WAS going perfect, then why did it have to go so wrong?

It was like things were too good to be true…

I don't know when it started. I suppose the moment I lost everything that meant the world to me. It felt like an icy iron jaw grip ripped my heart out of my chest that made me dully watch as it continued to beat away, lying there without a heart. That's how I feel; life is no longer worth living.

I bought a small hand gun not exactly my style but it would suffice, shit that kid- Dalton. Why does he have to follow me all the damn time? He's not my keeper…

I make a b-line to a place that she held secrete, well I did too once upon another life time… good thing too, I lost him for the time being. The chilled air rushes through my body conflicting with the heated rage I feel right now. Damn, it's raining now too…

My fingers still clasped the hand gun. It's a beautiful piece, so shinny, smooth and yet so cold…

I could still hear her screams in my head…

Those damn Fuckers. They purposely left her cell switched on, purposely wanting me to hear her screams as they raped her over and over again. But the speed of the car could only go so fast, not enough to stop them…

Then that sound, her screeching screams, her pleas to leave our baby unharmed…failed.

The sound of the metal sawing together burned in my ears as if someone tried to cut my ears off with the scissors. Then silence for what seemed to be hours but truly seconds. Another whimper from her causes my heart to clench tightly in my chest. Her screams got louder than before. I scream her name too into the receiver of my cell, in the hope that her enhance hearing can hear me…

But my heart stopped when her screams were longer strong but weak ones, bustards! I scream indecent words not carrying any more. Mole jumps slightly in the passenger seat. I could smell his fear with my flared nostrils.

I almost lost control of the car, serving slightly off the mountain edge, fuckers…

'Is that a blow torch? '

She screams again, deafening my ear slightly. My heart thumped so fast and hard I couldn't feel my toes and fingers beyond the pins and needles…

After what seemed like hours of torture, silence enveloped my ear…

A static echoed loudly, then an explosion, voices that's what I heard, well more like shouting and gun fires…

Someone who probably cared for her, cussed, yelling NO!

What did that mean?

Tossing the phone aside, I put the car to its limits, endangering not only myself but everyone else in the van too. See even though we are genetically empowered and basically trained to be in control, a car I still a machine, it can kill you regardless. Don't care; I need to get to her now!

I slammed the breaks' to an abrupt screeching halt in front of the abandoned ware house…

Forgetting everything that I was trained to do when entering enemy territory, I blurred to her scent.

But something mingled with her scent, something like burned spiced vanilla and cherry…

It doesn't yet click until I skidded there.

Dropping to my knees, panting uncontrollably, I crawled to her remains. Clenching her clothes that they had discarded before they tortured her, tears rolling down my numb face everything became a blur, but its' her I don't spot, so I rubbed her clothes on my cheek whimpering like a sad kitten. I stare at nothing until something caught my attention.

Not too far away I see something that churns my empty stomach, feeling the acid cutting through my insides… my throats constricts, I can't breathe, the world spins around me, I can't hear a damn thing it's like I'm completely deaf… my shaky sweaty hands fumbled on the bloody now corpse…

It's my unborn son.

The fucking bustards took him away from us! NO! They ruthlessly cut him away from her, from us!

Rolling my head back I screamed hauntingly that made my friends stop dead in their tracks, a smell of fear and a shiver down their spine…

Pieces of her charred flesh and coarse burned hair lie around us. Pieces everywhere…

Hers, only she would smell like spiced vanilla and cherry. What a combination, but it always seemed to smell good from her.

The rage in me couldn't hold back, my tears mingle with the rain now. My sadness is beyond pain, hurt, and suffering- whatever…hmm her favorite word that I've become accustomed to timelessly.

Lifting up my hand like a machine, I stand in attention. Closing my eyes I see her smile, I hear her voice…

Max I whisper last. Everything's gone black.

Wait, is that suppose to happen? Flashes of white…what the Fuck? Voices? Is that normal?

'Max, is that you?'

'Alec. My smart Alec' her hands caress my cheeks like she used to, warm and soft.

'Oh Maxie, you're okay.' I reach out for her, mimicking her actions. Those damn tears again, but I don't care to wipe them away when she sees them rolling down my cheek.

'You shouldn't be here.' Wiping my tears with smooth caresses.

'Neither should you.' My voice breaks now.

'I'm not.' She whispers softly.

'What? What do you mean?' my voice becomes hoarse and I'm so damn confused.

'Alec I love you forever and always. You have to find me'

'Max wait. I love forever and always…' where is she going? So not happening…

'MAX!' don't leave me.

Those God damn bustards had to bring me back. The doctors at Metro Medical. What were they thinking? Were they thinking at all in the first place? Right, how could I forget? Saving you saves her…how does that happen when I held her discarded clothes and remains of her charred flesh between my pale shaky fingers before I held our dead son. Just that thought alone brings bile to my stomach.

Two weeks after my so called miraculous recovery. Thanks to Max's blood, I'm now fully restored to the person I was once, back in Manticore. My rage for revenge was not only a dish that is best served cold, rather an icy bloody hollow were no souls roam. Some shit like that. Like one of those pre-pulse movies-bring people back alive from the dead. Ever watched those with feelings, like perhaps that would be you or a loved one, where they turn on you without a slightest thought of who you are. Like their entire memory that they developed with you are now completely erased and all they want to do is hunt you down and feed off you.

That's how I feel when I'm around them, a fucking zombie, looking for revenge-blood thirsty revenge. The pain still gets too much, so I slam my breaks to a complete halt that causes the back tires to screech and lift off a little against the tarred surface. The bile rises higher, burning in my chest, near my heart. I can't take it anymore. It hurts too much. My stomach clenches painfully, muscles begin to tense as I turn to my left in time. All the breakfast I had 3 hours ago now splattered across the tar like a child splashing brown paint on black paper. This new addiction has become my new high, pain is its name.

I feel like a junky, waiting for that quick fix of pain or else my day won't feel normal. I still can't put pass that dream I had back when I thought I was dead…

Max is gone…so why the feeling that she still out there…

My phone rings, it's Max's tune…here without you_ from three doors down- whoever they are…the song fits perfectly now.

Ten minutes into the conversation, my blood runs cold, my veins pop profoundly now than ever, like a timer bomb ready to combust. I almost feel like my twin Ben…maybe I'm there already…

They found him…

Ames White

The thought of inhuman brutality brings a smile to my face. Like I always had when I got pushed to my limits…

And I wonder now, am I still God's gift to woman?

Soft footsteps padded into the larger dark room. Unable to explain why the ability to see in the dark became an issue not too long ago…but for now the feeling of comfort was needed.

"Mummy," whimpering slightly, "Mummy please wake up." Soft sounds of desperation got the child's mum up.

"Baby what's wrong?" she looks at my expression, frowning her tired face in worry.

Getting her child back to her bedroom, knowing that her husband would awake from his sleep if they talked there, she sat her child onto her bed. Taking a glass of milk with her to ease her child's shakes, she soothingly stroked her child's hair.

"What happened? Was it another nightmare?"

"Yes." The answer was soft and fear evident in her child's tone.

"Want to talk about it?"

"I…I dreamt that I was running from…from some bad guys and I was pregnant… they got hold of me…and they started kicking me harder each time… I can still feel it…they tied me to a cold granite slab…and there were these men hooded in brown maroon cloaks chanting… I can't remember what it was but they held their arms up, they had a snake marking I think, and there was this man, he had cold eyes and a knife, yes a carved knife and he slowly cut me open and took my baby away… there was this phone they placed next to me and I think that man said he wants to him to hear me scream…and there was a blow torch and he slowly slid the thing across my belly and everywhere…and then there were these people I think they saved me but I wasn't me anymore I became someone else…crazy shit dream…sorry mom."

"Baby it was just a dream. It wasn't real."

"Then why are there marks all over my body mum? I don't understand. What's happening?"

"Baby it's just a dream. You watch too much t.v. before you sleep."

"I don't sleep…I'm a hawk."

Both mother and daughter chuckled softly. Tucking her daughter- a now young adult back into bed just like she always had with 'her daughter'…

"Good night, sweet dreams."

"Good night mum."

Shutting the door behind her softly, she stood still, heart beating so fast that she could no longer stand. Walking back to her bedroom, she shook her husband awake.

"She had another dream of her 'death' "

Her husband now fully awake, "Same one like before, when she was tortured?"

"Seems like it, what do we do? What if she starts to remember?"

"We tell her the truth."

"But she's our daughter…"

"She belongs to someone else…her loved one must still be looking for her."

"How do we know that?"

"Because I would do the same thing." Hugging his wife closely to his side.

"She is truly a unique unlike any other…"

"That's why she is Max Guevara…"

Five men stood around the still figure, observing for any slight movement. Exhaling a breath they weren't aware that they were holding, they sighed in relieve when the figure moved their hand slightly.

"What do we do now father?"

"We will wait till sunrise, and then we will take her to the sisters."

"Why? We should take…"

"No Will, she needs to be kept safe; safe away from the conclave and Ames White, until she is ready to face them."

"But what about Alec? Do they not deserve to be together?"

Sandamen turned around to his trusty follower, more like a son he always wanted.

"I know that. But for now Max must remain dead to Alec."

The end…

A/N Sorry…was going through a hellish time around this chapter, hence my pent up anger and need to vent as such. Hope you guys are okay and it wasn't as bad as the images I revolved the story around.

A/N I am going to try and write another one that isn't s violent as this one.

A/N: I have written a standalone story of this chapter that explains a lot more than this one. Hopefully I will get to finish that one before my laptop complains about it!


	4. IMPORTANT NOTICE

**IMPORTANT NOTICE:**

**Dear readers. I would like to thank those who have read, reviewed, and favorite this story, however I am not satisfied with the formatting. And as a result it's very confusing to read. Even to me. Everything looks like one big word modge podge. I have found a way to resolve that, so I will be editing and resubmitting chapters 1, 2 and 3 again before uploading chapters 4, 5, and 6. I do apologize for the inconvenience, especially to those who really keen on following this story further. Please bear with me; I am new at this and still learning how to update without any hitches. I'd add a smiley face but my update won't show it (pouts)**

**MishaV946**


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